One of the ways that I keep myself from spiraling down into the mental fog is to set goals and make lists. I keep a list of things to do mainly because after the third kid my brain just doesn’t function like it used to. I am forgetful on my best of days. The lists are reminders to keep me from basically doing nothing. Making goals keeps me moving in some sort of direction. With untreated depression it is very hard to fight against the invisible tide. I can get wrapped up in my mind making things much harder than they have to be. Even though I know this it doesn’t keep me from getting overwhelmed. When I get overwhelmed I tend to downward spiral which gets me nowhere fast.
Another thing I do is plan to look forward to something either a date or a time. It is all about keeping me out of the funk. A list can be simply things I need at the store, chores I need to do, or places I need to go. I often put things like phone calls to make on it as well, but that doesn’t get me over the anxiety of making the call. I tend to avoid phones. I don’t mind texting, messaging, or emails. When it comes to call for the dentist, which I fear by itself, I really have to work up the nerve to even call. Making a goal will only take me so far. If I am not willing to accomplish that goal I will drag my feet making things worse on the most part.
Right now I have a list of things to get from the store sitting in front of me. It is non-food essentials including: Sunscreen, cat litter, detergent, and vaccum bags. Now I have to make a goal to go to a store today before I go get Jokes from work.
Something I am looking forward to in the near future is being able to see The Fixx. I was never a big fan and frankly I never knew who sang the songs even though I knew the words. Jokes being 12 years older had more experience to back up his connection to the music. It is hard for me to find bands that both of us can like as my tastes run a darker line. The last band we saw together was AFI playing with The Dear and Departed. Yea, it has been that long. Live music is so much better than listening to it in your car.
Ne who, back on target. The first part of this week I got away from my goals and lists. In return, I didn’t get much done. I mostly read. Reading is good unless it becomes an oasis away from your problems. I tend to sink into my books and forget what I should be doing. In so I have laundry piling up and grass to cut. I need to find a way to stay on task and be able to read. That is very tricky for me. Oh shoot! I just remembered I need to add the library to my list of things to do. Library fees are a bitch. Although, in a twisted way I feel like I am supporting the library with my late fees so I am contributing to my reading in a backwards way. If I can make my have to do’s more of a goal it takes the sting out of doing them. It also helps me face some of the larger challenges, like talking to people in person. I am fighting to stay on top of things.